Padres' hot stove boils over, sizzles violently until they panic and turn the heat down slightly

It was reported yesterday that Mark Prior, his paper mache joints, and the Padres agreed to a 1 year, $1 million contract with another $4.5 million in incentives. While on paper this deal appears to be motivated by no logic whatsoever, further research shows that the team also signed Randy Wolf, who is coming off shoulder surgery on his throwing arm. It appears that the Padres are attempting to stock up on the injured, possibly because their team doctors are bored, or they owe a lot of money to a loan shark who is also a surgeon. I just don't know, and I promise to do no research whatsoever to get to the bottom of what I'm sure is a Manchurian Candidate-esque conspiracy.

Anyway, I realize that Major League Baseball players make a lot of money and whatever, but Mark Prior is worth A MILLION DOLLARS?! Really? The only way the Padres are going to get their money's worth from this deal is to pencil in Prior's first regular season start as "Mark Prior Exploding Shoulder Day" and see if they can sell out by giving away signs that look like this:



I'm eagerly anticipating the day Mark Prior gets a surgery named after him.