I realize that this preview is being published after the college football season has technically started.
Since yesterday’s four asskickings shed virtually no new light on the landscape (LSU has a good defense? Really?), it’s not a huge deal that this is coming out late.
Still, I feel bad, so I’ll try to write something at least moderately original.
Here are reverse predictions, i.e. things that won’t happen this season (starting with most likely to happen anyway):
Darren McFadden Not Winning the Heisman I realize that the preseason favorite to win the Heisman trophy hardly ever does (see: Brady Quinn) but most preseason Heisman favorites don’t rush for 1600 yards while splitting carries and manage to be the best running back and quarterback on their team. This is a guy who, in the Capitol One Bowl, the Wisconsin Badgers supposedly “bottled up.” He ran for 89 yards on 19 carries! McFadden is outrageously good, and even if he doesn’t win the Heisman, he will probably defend his title as Actual Best Player in College Football*.
Colt Brennan Not Leading the Nation in Pass Efficiency
You can call Colt Brennan a system quarterback. If you say this, you are wrong. It’s pretty simple. System quarterbacks gain a lot of yards and throw a lot of touchdowns, but in doing so they normally throw a lot of incompletions and interceptions. Last year, Colt Brennan led the nation in touchdowns and passing yardage, but he also completed an absurd 72.6% of his passes and led the nation in passer rating by nearly 17 points. His play is not a fluke. Colt Brennan isn’t a system quarterback, he’s one of the best quarterbacks in the country. He’s also a badass who stole some shit in Colorado, and got kicked out and exiled to Hawaii, but that’s beside the point.
Four Teams Finishing the Season Undefeated; BCS Computers Melt/Explode
There has been some rumbling that four teams, specifically USC, LSU, Michigan and West Virginia, could finish the season undefeated (I’m looking at you, Dan Shanoff and ESPN). Apparently this would cause the beginning of the biblical apocalypse and penises everywhere would fly off their host bodies and seize control of the world (or something like that). But seriously, I really don’t understand what would cause someone to predict something that has never even come close to happening. This isn’t going out on a limb, this is climbing a tree blindfolded and shouting, “I bet there’s a limb here!” and diving headfirst into nothing. Let’s look at each team individually. USC probably has the best chance at going undefeated, since they play in the Pac-10 and are as talented as ever. LSU has never lived up to expectations under Les Miles, and the SEC is once again loaded. How is this a recipe for an undefeated season? Michigan lost basically their entire defense to the draft, and their month of November is as follows: at Michigan State, at Wisconsin, Ohio State. Michigan never plays well in East Lansing, the Badgers are as good as they’ve ever been and looking to avenge their only loss last season, and Ohio State is still Ohio State (meaning Jim Tressel is still making sure his players only take classes like Shapes 101, Colors 256, and Blocks 211 (ba dum ch!)). West Virginia plays Louisville, at Rutgers, and at an emerging South Florida program who last season smoked the Mountaineers in Morgantown. Shanoff has USC, Michigan, West Virginia, and Texas going undefeated. Texas is a logical choice because the Big 12 pretty much sucks, but they still have to play in the Big 12 championship game, a game that I think only exists to screw with the BCS and the bowl system in general.
Lou Holtz Saying Something Coherent
Or he says something without making that creepy spittle, watery noise. Both of these are extremely unlikely. I think it is a testament to the talent of his Notre Dame teams that they managed to succeed in spite of his crazy, geriatric rambling about government conspiracies, his favorite grocery store, and ways his pet has tried to kill him.
*Note: award only voted on by me
