Lloyd Carr snorts blow off Drew Henne's ass, tonight on BTN!

Last year, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany decided that Big Ten sports weren't already, on their own, enough of a cash cow, so he decided to start the Big Ten Network. This network would start by showing shitty select football games to gain a toehold on cable systems (Charter, Time Warner, Comcast, and the like). Once this happened, they would begin showing more and more games until they controlled most Big Ten sports programming. This would make everyone associated with the Big Ten totally fucking rich.

pictured, from left to right: Jim Tressel, Jim Delany, Mark D'Antonio, Lloyd Carr

But, unfortunately for the Big Ten, no one wanted to pick up their network. There are several reasons for this, and I will go through them now:

• Cable Companies are all greedy assholes. Instead of picking up the network and placing them on basic cable like the Big Ten wants, cable companies want to put BTN in the sports tier package, basically so they can charge us more and pay less for BTN. In layman's terms, instead of making a lot of money, cable companies want to make a fucking lot of money. Apparently, this is a distinction only a complete asswipe can make.
  

Cable operators swim in the blood money of their customers.

• BTN is run by assholes. Instead of asking a reasonable price of cable companies, BTN is asking for $1.10 per subscriber. This means nothing to most of you. Know that CNN, one of the most watched cable networks in the world, asks $0.55 per subscriber. In light of this, BTN has the gall to complain that cable companies are depriving subscribers of the channel. Well, if they would just settle for a lot of money, instead of deciding they have to have a fucking lot of money, this could be settled.

Honestly, I wouldn't even really care about getting this network if the Big Ten hadn't decided recently to tighten the screws with cable operators by moving away from showing games that are shitty select, and actually showing games people want to watch, like my Badgers' showdown with top ranked Ohio State this weekend. And when my hedonistic desire to not leave my house unless alcohol is involved is inhibited by the Big Ten and Charter's desire to cackle and light cigars for classy hookers with $100 bills, shit's gonna go down, and it won't be pretty.

Wild Predictions

This is a feature I started while writing for the Flambeau back at MUHS.  In general, I say some pretty outlandish things, then refuse to back down.  So in honor of my terrible argument technique, I give you some WPs . . .

Bill Hall will bounce back in 2008, and will be in the conversation for Brewer's MVP with Fielder and Hardy . . . Yi will set a rookie record for most front office execs fired . . . Brett Favre . . . Candace Parker will be more dominant then any other player in college sports, and still no one cares . . . Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby are the best two young players in any sport (yes Greg and Kevin, even you)

Counterpoint: Al Harris is not an asshole

Just kidding! Did you see his attempt to tackle Selvin Young in the fourth quarter? The refs called holding on the receiver, possibly because they feel bad for that ninny, but more likely because they, like the viewers, couldn't believe that Harris could have made such a poor attempt if he wasn't held. If the Packers want tackles like that, I just want to say that I'm available, and I only want, like, $100,000 a year. Dump this motherfucker already.

Also, Brett Favre is an All-American hero whose touchdown passes impregnate all women within a three mile radius. Take that, female Broncos fans!

Al Harris Sucks, Mike Shannhan knows this, Brett Favre does not care

This post will be broken up into two sections:

"to God the glory, and He came through for me in the end" 

~Greg Jennings post game interview

The receivers know of the divinity of number four.

Brett Favre is the greatest player to ever play sports.  His arm is the greatest national treasure, and could be the greatest thing the world has ever produced.  His deep passes to Jones and Jennings brought women and children to tears, his lazers to donald driver could have gone through cement trucks, and his enthusiasm gave the suicidal a reason to live.

HOWEVER....

When the game was on the line who did the Broncoes go at?  Al Harris

Who makes me the most nervous when the quarterback looks his way? Al Harris

Who took awful penalties down the stretch, and has all season? Al Harris ( also Atari Bigbie but love for him because of his name)

On fourth and two, with under 120 seconds, the game on the line, Shanahan calls a play for a glorified third receiver, because he knows the dread-locked one will be on him.  First down.  35 yard gain on a drag play over the middle to set up the field goal, not only did Harris allow the catch but looked like a 7th grader tackling Brandon Jacobs.

Something happened this year in the national media, and I have no idea what could have caused the crazy.  "Al Harris is the best bump coverage corner in the league." If I weren't crying I would have been laughing at their horrendous understanding of football.  He is a bump and run corner because he jumps at every route, might as well let the receivers behind him.

Al Harris: My nominee for the worst player ever