NBC redeems itself for "Football Night in America"

Current head of NBC Ben Silverman was already a good man in my book since he is one of the executive producers of The Office. With this news, however, he has cemented his status as somewhere between "bona fide badass" and "second coming of the messiah:"

Silverman confirmed that he's looking to develop a new take on the campy 1980s franchise "American Gladiators" via his old Reveille banner. Given the success of "Heroes," a reality show with superhero themes seems logical. Exec refused to discuss how the show may fit into NBC's brand, however, dismissing a question about the project by saying, "There's no deal done."

I would be worried that he's going to botch this completely and change everything that made Gladiators glorious to begin with, but Silverman gives viewers plenty of reasons to be confident. As previously mentioned, he is in charge of one of the funniest and most original shows on television. He also (and I cannot stress this enough) thinks it's a good idea to put American Gladiators back on television. I can probably count on one hand how many people agree with this decision. Most of the time I tell people I like American Gladiators, they look at me like I just stabbed a member of their family. For these people, I will now explain why American Gladiators is the absolute balls:

1. Steroids-Go take a second look at that picture. The gladiators make East German swimmers look responsible in their steroid intake. Those women have bigger balls than I do. Anyway, this helped the show by making it seem amazing that the contestants ever beat the gladiators in anything ever, even though their steroid addled bodies were about as agile as a drunken rhino.

2. The Eliminator-Remember when you were a kid, and you and your friends would set up obstacle courses on the playground for races? Well, if you took that childhood ingenuity and added to it copious amounts of money and brutality, you would get the Eliminator. The best obstacle in the Eliminator only appeared in the first season, where contestants had to cross a balance beam while the gladiators attempted to blindside them with medicine balls, because we all know nothing is more entertaining than 'roid rage, a 12 pound blunt weapon, and a target.

3. Joust-This event was great because it required absolutely no thought whatsoever. Coincidentally, this was also why the gladiators destroyed the contestants here. By far the best part of this event was host Mike Adamle interviewing the winner while sitting in a chair hanging from a boom 10 feet off the ground, one of the more visually awkward experiences I've ever had.

4. Interviews-Not just Adamle's post-joust interviews were hilariously awkward. The hosts of American Gladiators make today's sideline reporters look intelligent, well spoken, and insightful. Maybe its because most events in American Gladiators don't require even a hint of strategy, or maybe its because the hosts spoke only in cliche and never asked any questions, but most interviews were more awkward pause and stammering than actual speech. I can't imagine what Larry Csonka would be like on a date.
Larry: "So, you're eating food."
Date: "Yeah...this is a restaurant."
Larry: "You have the heart of a champion."
Date: "What? What is that even supposed to mean?"
Larry: "I wouldn't want you on my heels in a race."
Date: "I'm leaving."
5. Dorann Cumberbatch- Dorann was the female grand champion in the second season. She also has the distinction of being the most homely person (man or woman) I have ever laid eyes on. Her face literally haunts my dreams.